How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
