My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
