you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
