Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
