Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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