i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
