Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
