you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
