i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
