I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
