I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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