Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
