why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
