I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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