I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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