Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
