So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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