is wine microwaveable?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wear drunk well.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
