He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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