i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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