I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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