So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
