Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
