You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
