So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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