I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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