I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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