for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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