just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
