I think my vagina is haunted
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
