how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
