So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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