gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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