I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just found puke in my bra..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
