it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Quick, to the slutcave!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
