I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
