Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
