wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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