i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
