Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
