The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My ass is underappreciated
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
