If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
