Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
