just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
