i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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