a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
