I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
