I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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