Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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