So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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