so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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