so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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