is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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