Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
They are going to name an STD after you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
