the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
