why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
