Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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