dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
