Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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