So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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