the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just high enough for therapy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
