omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
